http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=37JwiLiL4dY
I'm having trouble trying to put on Lincoln's movie - which is the family favorite - so hopefully if anyone wants to watch (which you definitely won't regret!!) try the link above!
We made this in the summer we moved to Montana, so glad we took the opportunity to film this!Little did I know that one month later I wouldn't have been well enough to do this anymore. Carpe Diem people!!
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
I Testify
After the fast for me last January, I decided to try everything and anything I could find to improve my health and I did it all at the same time. I didn't care to wait and see which one worked, as long as something worked! I started up weekly acupuncture and began taking strange Chinese herbs. I started receiving "Energy Medicine" treatments. I went to a Naturpath/Chiropractor in Idaho and started on his several supplements. Under his direction, I followed an anti-inflammatory diet where I had to avoid all gluten, dairy (even eggs), sugars, red meat, pork, fruit juice, solid fats, corn, potatoes, soy, tomatoes, peppers, certain spices, and all processed foods. It didn't leave much to eat!! I've never been so hungry in my life!
During this time, I knew I had lept down the rabbit-hole, but I didn't care. I have been so desperate to get better. I remember watching TV with Dan one night when an AARP commercial came on. All these old senior citizens were in front of me, playing tennis, swimming, riding bikes. I suddenly yelled out - "Stop rubbing it in!" and changed the channel. I wasn't mad at them, but I wanted to be them - even if they were gray haired and old.
Now, I have always believed in the power of prayer and faith. But this trial has tested me and pushed me harder than anything I have experienced before. Even when I had my sweet baby Luke, I could pray for peace and help and knew that I would feel strength and comfort from the Lord. It has been hard for me to plead to the Lord to be healed and not to feel a response back. I know the Lord hears and answers our prayers, but there has been times during the last year and a half, when I have prayed as hard as I know how to for relief and relief from this sickness has not come.
It has tested Dan's faith. He has given me so many blessings in which I have been told that I will heal, and then we watch and wait faithfully, but my condition does not improve.
It has tested my children's faith. Even my dear Benjamin shocked me one day. We were talking about Cub Scouts and the value of keeping your word. When I asked him if he could think of an example of someone who didn't keep their word - at first he couldn't think of anyone, and then he said, "Well, yes. The Lord. He has promised you to get better but you haven't." Oh, hearing him say that just broke my heart. I hadn't even thought of how his little brain was trying to process the blessings he has heard promising me of health and yet seen my illness continue.
In searching the scriptures for answers, one day I came upon some beautiful verses in Romans. "O the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! how unsearchable are his judgments, and his ways past finding out! For who hath known the mind of the Lord? or who hath been his counsellor?"
I realized that I have not been praying for the right thing and perhaps that is why I have sometimes felt alone in my prayers. I have been praying for what I want instead of praying to accept the Lord's will. I have attempted to bargain with the Lord and have presumed to counsel Him. I felt that I knew what was best for myself.
It can be hard to accept the Lord's will. How easy it would be for Him to just simply heal me and remove this obstacle from my path. Aren't we promised to receive the righteous desires of our hearts? What could be a more righteous desire for a mother than to want a healthy body that I may better serve my family and the Lord? To have more children? Why can I not have what all those around me seem to have? Sometimes knowing how easily He could grant my desire makes it that much more difficult to accept it when it does not come.
Then I read "Therefore hath he mercy on whom he will have mercy, and whom he will he hardeneth...O man, who art thou that repliest against God? Shall the thing formed say to him that formed it, Why hast thou made me thus?"
It is not my role to question my the Lord has made my body susceptible to illness. He made me this way for a purpose and I need to accept and trust in Him. Maybe it is His will for me to be hardened. Maybe I will learn important lessons through this experience I wouldn't be able to receive any other way. If life were easy and our difficult trials removed, how would we learn and grow?
My thinking has finally changed. I am finally letting go of my pride and I realizing the the Lord truly knows what is best for me and my family. It may not be anything I ever envisioned for myself, but the Lord loves me and I need to trust in his infinite wisdom and pray for strength to endure and courage to accept what trials I need to experience. From this time forward, I have felt so much peace and strength, that some days it is almost overwhelming. When people ask me how I am I say "I'm doing great! My body may not work the way it used to anymore, but I'm doing good!" Because I am, because the Lord is helping me. "For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us."
Now fast forward two months, of me changing the way I pray, and trying to do everything on my part to heal. Nothing was changing much physically, so I decided it was time to ask Dan to administer another blessing so I can receive more guidance.
In the blessing, I was told to stop trusting in the arm of man, and to turn to the Lord. To increase my scripture study and to turn away from evil influences. And I was promised, once again, that as I looked only to the Lord to be healed, I would become better.
Well, I was ready to put all of my faith in God and not in anyone else. I stopped everything. No more herbs, no more acupuncture, no more diet of special foods, no more anything. Just faith, prayer, scriptures, and trust in the Lord.
It has been a month and my health is improving!! It's actually getting a little better, day by day, and I can testify that the only way this could be possible is through the help of my Heavenly Father. Just this morning, I was finally able to walk to the 100 yards to drop Nathan off myself to his preschool class. It felt so amazing, I almost started to cry when I made it back to the van!
I don't know if I will ever be able to do the things I could before. But that's not my job to have to worry about. Maybe the Lord will bless me to a full recovery someday, maybe he won't. It's okay. Either way, He loves me and I will put my trust in Him.
I know the Lord lives and He loves each and every one of us with a love that is incomprehensible to understand. He is waiting, so patiently, for us to humble ourselves and turn to Him in all things.
For as Paul asks "Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril or sword?...For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
During this time, I knew I had lept down the rabbit-hole, but I didn't care. I have been so desperate to get better. I remember watching TV with Dan one night when an AARP commercial came on. All these old senior citizens were in front of me, playing tennis, swimming, riding bikes. I suddenly yelled out - "Stop rubbing it in!" and changed the channel. I wasn't mad at them, but I wanted to be them - even if they were gray haired and old.
Now, I have always believed in the power of prayer and faith. But this trial has tested me and pushed me harder than anything I have experienced before. Even when I had my sweet baby Luke, I could pray for peace and help and knew that I would feel strength and comfort from the Lord. It has been hard for me to plead to the Lord to be healed and not to feel a response back. I know the Lord hears and answers our prayers, but there has been times during the last year and a half, when I have prayed as hard as I know how to for relief and relief from this sickness has not come.
It has tested Dan's faith. He has given me so many blessings in which I have been told that I will heal, and then we watch and wait faithfully, but my condition does not improve.
It has tested my children's faith. Even my dear Benjamin shocked me one day. We were talking about Cub Scouts and the value of keeping your word. When I asked him if he could think of an example of someone who didn't keep their word - at first he couldn't think of anyone, and then he said, "Well, yes. The Lord. He has promised you to get better but you haven't." Oh, hearing him say that just broke my heart. I hadn't even thought of how his little brain was trying to process the blessings he has heard promising me of health and yet seen my illness continue.
In searching the scriptures for answers, one day I came upon some beautiful verses in Romans. "O the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! how unsearchable are his judgments, and his ways past finding out! For who hath known the mind of the Lord? or who hath been his counsellor?"
I realized that I have not been praying for the right thing and perhaps that is why I have sometimes felt alone in my prayers. I have been praying for what I want instead of praying to accept the Lord's will. I have attempted to bargain with the Lord and have presumed to counsel Him. I felt that I knew what was best for myself.
It can be hard to accept the Lord's will. How easy it would be for Him to just simply heal me and remove this obstacle from my path. Aren't we promised to receive the righteous desires of our hearts? What could be a more righteous desire for a mother than to want a healthy body that I may better serve my family and the Lord? To have more children? Why can I not have what all those around me seem to have? Sometimes knowing how easily He could grant my desire makes it that much more difficult to accept it when it does not come.
Then I read "Therefore hath he mercy on whom he will have mercy, and whom he will he hardeneth...O man, who art thou that repliest against God? Shall the thing formed say to him that formed it, Why hast thou made me thus?"
It is not my role to question my the Lord has made my body susceptible to illness. He made me this way for a purpose and I need to accept and trust in Him. Maybe it is His will for me to be hardened. Maybe I will learn important lessons through this experience I wouldn't be able to receive any other way. If life were easy and our difficult trials removed, how would we learn and grow?
My thinking has finally changed. I am finally letting go of my pride and I realizing the the Lord truly knows what is best for me and my family. It may not be anything I ever envisioned for myself, but the Lord loves me and I need to trust in his infinite wisdom and pray for strength to endure and courage to accept what trials I need to experience. From this time forward, I have felt so much peace and strength, that some days it is almost overwhelming. When people ask me how I am I say "I'm doing great! My body may not work the way it used to anymore, but I'm doing good!" Because I am, because the Lord is helping me. "For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us."
Now fast forward two months, of me changing the way I pray, and trying to do everything on my part to heal. Nothing was changing much physically, so I decided it was time to ask Dan to administer another blessing so I can receive more guidance.
In the blessing, I was told to stop trusting in the arm of man, and to turn to the Lord. To increase my scripture study and to turn away from evil influences. And I was promised, once again, that as I looked only to the Lord to be healed, I would become better.
Well, I was ready to put all of my faith in God and not in anyone else. I stopped everything. No more herbs, no more acupuncture, no more diet of special foods, no more anything. Just faith, prayer, scriptures, and trust in the Lord.
It has been a month and my health is improving!! It's actually getting a little better, day by day, and I can testify that the only way this could be possible is through the help of my Heavenly Father. Just this morning, I was finally able to walk to the 100 yards to drop Nathan off myself to his preschool class. It felt so amazing, I almost started to cry when I made it back to the van!
I don't know if I will ever be able to do the things I could before. But that's not my job to have to worry about. Maybe the Lord will bless me to a full recovery someday, maybe he won't. It's okay. Either way, He loves me and I will put my trust in Him.
I know the Lord lives and He loves each and every one of us with a love that is incomprehensible to understand. He is waiting, so patiently, for us to humble ourselves and turn to Him in all things.
For as Paul asks "Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril or sword?...For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
Monday, February 25, 2013
I'm on a Game Show!!
Okay, drum roll... Here are some clips of me on a new game show called Let's Ask America!!!
When they were interviewing me to be on the show, I conveniently made sure to never mention my illness, I mean how many times are you gonna have someone call you up and ask you to be on a game show where you don't have to leave the house?! I couldn't move for the next couple of days -but it was sooo worth it! It's amazing what you can do when you are pumped up on adrenaline!!
Enjoy clips of my show!!
When I was asked this, I had no clue who anybody was except Al Roker, and I knew no one thinks he is sexy!!
This is the last, big question!!!
WHO HOO!!
So since I'm a nerdy accountant, of course I've already figured out I actually won a little less than $30,000 since the government takes a whopping 40% of all game show winnings. But, holy cow, I'll take it! It will make a nice dent on student loans. I know, I know, not very fun, but definitely practical!
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
Am I Enough?
From the time we are little we begin to identify who we are with what we can do. We feel that if we do good, we are good. I see it in my children. As Nathan says "I'm fast,"or Benjamin brags "I'm good at math," we are each creating an identify for ourselves based on what we can do and the way it is received by others.
But is what we can do really who we are? Before my illness, I think I saw myself so very differently than I do now. I was Emily, the fun friend who was always ready to ditch work to go have a good time! I was Emily, the performer, who loved playing the piano and planning out fun skits or family acts. I was Emily, the bargain shopper, the CPA, the party planner. Most important of all, I was Emily, the wife and mother, who would do all that she could for her family.
Now, I find myself suddenly unable to do these things. I can no longer play the piano. I cannot shop or cook for my children. No more swim lessons for my boys. No more parties. No more play dates. So much of all that I used to be and do is gone.
Does this make me less of a person? Now, before you quickly answer "Of course not!" imagine what it would really be like to lose your ability to function. Strip yourself of all the good things you do and achieve during the week. Think of what it would feel like to not be able to physically take care of the ones you love. Would you still have your same confidence? Self-worth? So much of what we do as a mother is wrapped up in what we can do for those around us. Are we worthy of love, even if we have nothing to offer?
Perhaps a blessing that has come from this illness is to truly learn, not just understand, that being a daughter of our Heavenly Father means that I am worthy. I am special. I am important. As long as I do my best to follow the Savior and abide by his teachings, I am enough. My body may fail me, trials may come and go, but as long as He is the light in my life, I can be all that He wants me to be.
And that will always be more than enough.
But is what we can do really who we are? Before my illness, I think I saw myself so very differently than I do now. I was Emily, the fun friend who was always ready to ditch work to go have a good time! I was Emily, the performer, who loved playing the piano and planning out fun skits or family acts. I was Emily, the bargain shopper, the CPA, the party planner. Most important of all, I was Emily, the wife and mother, who would do all that she could for her family.
Now, I find myself suddenly unable to do these things. I can no longer play the piano. I cannot shop or cook for my children. No more swim lessons for my boys. No more parties. No more play dates. So much of all that I used to be and do is gone.
Does this make me less of a person? Now, before you quickly answer "Of course not!" imagine what it would really be like to lose your ability to function. Strip yourself of all the good things you do and achieve during the week. Think of what it would feel like to not be able to physically take care of the ones you love. Would you still have your same confidence? Self-worth? So much of what we do as a mother is wrapped up in what we can do for those around us. Are we worthy of love, even if we have nothing to offer?
Perhaps a blessing that has come from this illness is to truly learn, not just understand, that being a daughter of our Heavenly Father means that I am worthy. I am special. I am important. As long as I do my best to follow the Savior and abide by his teachings, I am enough. My body may fail me, trials may come and go, but as long as He is the light in my life, I can be all that He wants me to be.
And that will always be more than enough.
Sunday, February 10, 2013
Some Pics of My Boys
Benjamin (or mini-Dan) is 8 years old and may possibly talk more than me! He is sitting here next to me and is very concerned that I add that he plays the piano and loves math!
Here is Nathan - 4 years old - the family comedian! Check out the hair - all of my boys have crazy curly hair - his just seems to never get done!
Lincoln - 2 - can you believe Dan and I have a blondie?? He is the bruiser of the family. He arrived at nearly 10 pounds and looked like a football player. Now he acts like a football player!
Saturday, February 9, 2013
Benjamin Bunny Hunter
Here is Benjamin's action movie we made in Des Moines, Iowa. Benjamin wants to say a little something: This is an action adventure movie with me, Benjamin Bunny Hunter, saving my mom from evil rabbits.
Side note - because of this movie, Benjamin grew up slightly terrified of stuffed rabbits!
Friday, February 8, 2013
Nathan's Used to Be Favorite Shirt
A friend of mine passed on some hand-me-down clothes to Nathan. He was so excited as he looked through the clothes and when he found a shirt with a trophy on it he declared "This is my favorite!" He put it on and a couple of hours later I said "Hey, do you want me to read to you what your shirt says?" It says "My Dad is My Hero." Without missing a beat, he got right up and left the room. Moments later he returned with a new shirt on. He hasn't worn it since!!
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