From the time we are little we begin to identify who we are with what we can do. We feel that if we do good, we are good. I see it in my children. As Nathan says "I'm fast,"or Benjamin brags "I'm good at math," we are each creating an identify for ourselves based on what we can do and the way it is received by others.
But is what we can do really who we are? Before my illness, I think I saw myself so very differently than I do now. I was Emily, the fun friend who was always ready to ditch work to go have a good time! I was Emily, the performer, who loved playing the piano and planning out fun skits or family acts. I was Emily, the bargain shopper, the CPA, the party planner. Most important of all, I was Emily, the wife and mother, who would do all that she could for her family.
Now, I find myself suddenly unable to do these things. I can no longer play the piano. I cannot shop or cook for my children. No more swim lessons for my boys. No more parties. No more play dates. So much of all that I used to be and do is gone.
Does this make me less of a person? Now, before you quickly answer "Of course not!" imagine what it would really be like to lose your ability to function. Strip yourself of all the good things you do and achieve during the week. Think of what it would feel like to not be able to physically take care of the ones you love. Would you still have your same confidence? Self-worth? So much of what we do as a mother is wrapped up in what we can do for those around us. Are we worthy of love, even if we have nothing to offer?
Perhaps a blessing that has come from this illness is to truly learn, not just understand, that being a daughter of our Heavenly Father means that I am worthy. I am special. I am important. As long as I do my best to follow the Savior and abide by his teachings, I am enough. My body may fail me, trials may come and go, but as long as He is the light in my life, I can be all that He wants me to be.
And that will always be more than enough.
Really makes you think about what is truly important. Great reminder for us all! Thanks a million!
ReplyDeleteYes, a great reminder for everyone, I agree, to know that we are daughters of our heavenly father and have purpose and also, that we are mothers is also special. I agree, sometimes I think we can feel like we aren't enough, we compare with others, lately, I have had the goal to avoid people who brag or who seem to always be comparing because that can bring us down. I just live my life and do what I do and try not to worry about others and even what they are doing. Though it doesn't always work, it has helped me. Sometimes I have to avoid Facebook, etc. because when everyone is bragging, sometimes we might feel inadequate. I know what an amazing person you are, you are incredible and have an amazing husband and great and smart kids! You are also an amazing and committed mother and you are also a great teacher, I learn many lessons from you in reading your blog. Call me when you get a chance. Thanks!
ReplyDeleteMay I add a thought: It is NOT the things in life we busy ourselves with-- day to day completion of chores, talents, parties, and the like, that define our characters as women or people. And we invest so much of our mental energy into comparing ourselves in the trivial temporal things that we beat ourselves up about what we are NOT, instead of rejoicing in the things that we ARE.
ReplyDeleteWhen difficult times strike, and our path is made more difficult by the physical or emotional challenges we face, our we are defined by our CHARACTER. Do we lose our faith and convictions and give up hope? A person with CHARACTER does not!
Emily, as you know, I am a tireless advocate for Scouting, so as a reminder, may I tell you what you ARE? Scout law: A Scout is trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, and reverent. You may be tempted to consider these in a temporal way, but think of them in a more spiritual way.
You live those values by knowing what is important, saving your time and energy for your family instead of wasting it on less important things.... and staying as cheerful as you can in the face of adversity. You remain an obedient daughter of God, willing to face whatever challenges that life throws your way and that your loving Heavenly Father allows to remain on your plate in his wisdom to refine you.
And by doing so remind all of us that we can do the same.
Right now I am off of work for a while (miss Per Diem has a break) so you can call me any time. Please don't hesitate!
oh my goodness..I haven't looked at your blog forever...and I missed so much! I am so so so glad you posted pics of those adorable kids! I love them. I needed that pic me up tonight.I honestly can't even imagine how hard it is... I know I can't even try, but knowing you, the real you, I laugh thinking how hard it would be be get you down. You just don't get down. I am smiling right now just thinking about you. And in the future...what an even better person you are becoming because of this..I kinda feel like you are leaving me in the spiritual dust. oh well. some day you can catch me up to your speed.
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