I'm on a Game Show!!

Okay, drum roll... Here are some clips of me on a new game show called Let's Ask America!!!

When they were interviewing me to be on the show, I conveniently made sure to never mention my illness, I mean how many times are you gonna have someone call you up and ask you to be on a game show where you don't have to leave the house?!  I couldn't move for the next couple of days -but it was sooo worth it! It's amazing what you can do when you are pumped up on adrenaline!!

Enjoy clips of my show!!

When I was asked this, I had no clue who anybody was except Al Roker, and I knew no one thinks he is sexy!!

This is the last, big question!!!

 

WHO HOO!!

 

So since I'm a nerdy accountant, of course I've already figured out I actually won a little less than $30,000 since the government takes a whopping 40% of all game show winnings. But, holy cow, I'll take it! It will make a nice dent on student loans. I know, I know, not very fun, but definitely practical!

 

 

Am I Enough?

From the time we are little we begin to identify who we are with what we can do.  We feel that if we do good, we are good. I see it in my children. As Nathan says "I'm fast,"or Benjamin brags "I'm good at math," we are each creating an identify for ourselves based on what we can do and the way it is received by others.

But is what we can do really who we are? Before my illness, I think I saw myself so very differently than I do now. I was Emily, the fun friend who was always ready to ditch work to go have a good time! I was Emily, the performer, who loved playing the piano and planning out fun skits or family acts. I was Emily, the bargain shopper, the CPA, the party planner. Most important of all, I was Emily, the wife and mother, who would do all that she could for her family.

Now, I find myself suddenly unable to do these things. I can no longer play the piano. I cannot shop or cook for my children. No more swim lessons for my boys. No more parties. No more play dates. So much of all that I used to be and do is gone.

Does this make me less of a person? Now, before you quickly answer "Of course not!" imagine what it would really be like to lose your ability to function. Strip yourself of all the good things you do and achieve during the week. Think of what it would feel like to not be able to physically take care of the ones you love. Would you still have your same confidence? Self-worth? So much of what we do as a mother is wrapped up in what we can do for those around us. Are we worthy of love, even if we have nothing to offer?

Perhaps a blessing that has come from this illness is to truly learn, not just understand, that being a daughter of our Heavenly Father means that I am worthy. I am special. I am important. As long as I do my best to follow the Savior and abide by his teachings, I am enough. My body may fail me, trials may come and go, but as long as He is the light in my life, I can be all that He wants me to be.

And that will always be more than enough.

Some Pics of My Boys

Benjamin (or mini-Dan) is 8 years old and may possibly talk more than me! He is sitting here next to me and is very concerned that I add that he plays the piano and loves math!

Here is Nathan - 4 years old - the family comedian! Check out the hair - all of my boys have crazy curly hair - his just seems to never get done!

Lincoln - 2 - can you believe Dan and I have a blondie?? He is the bruiser of the family. He arrived at nearly 10 pounds and looked like a football player. Now he acts like a football player!

Benjamin Bunny Hunter

Here is Benjamin's action movie we made in Des Moines, Iowa. Benjamin wants to say a little something: This is an action adventure movie with me, Benjamin Bunny Hunter, saving my mom from evil rabbits.

Side note - because of this movie, Benjamin grew up slightly terrified of stuffed rabbits!

Nathan's Used to Be Favorite Shirt

A friend of mine passed on some hand-me-down clothes to Nathan. He was so excited as he looked through the clothes and when he found a shirt with a trophy on it he declared "This is my favorite!" He put it on and a couple of hours later I said "Hey, do you want me to read to you what your shirt says?" It says "My Dad is My Hero." Without missing a beat, he got right up and left the room. Moments later he returned with a new shirt on. He hasn't worn it since!!

Something Only A Mother Could Do

Well, anyone want to hear part 2 of my story about church? I could see for the last little while that I was being treated like I was less active (boy, I have to say, if that's what it feels like, it sure is amazing that anyone who actually is less active comes back!) But when you feel so sick all the time, I get to the point where I really don't care about other people's perceptions. I just don't have the energy to expend on it. If they are so judgemental that they do not make the effort to really find out what's happening, that is their problem, not mine. (Wow, gee, I just sounded a little testy, didn't I?)

My parents came up last weekend to visit and with the plan to then bring me back to Idaho with my two littlest boys to try some new treatments there. So we all went to church on Sunday, and right after sacrament meeting a woman came up to my mom and started talking with her. In the conversation, she said to my mom "Oh, well we know that Emily is inactive. She just doesn't come to church very often."   Well, for those of you who know my mother, that came off like a lead balloon. She didn't tell me this, but it became her mission to "educate" the ward on my situation!

I went home to try and rest and she shortly attended Relief Society. When they welcomed her she asked the Relief Society President if she could address the woman. She then turned to them and said "I just would like to explain to the members here what is happening with my daughter. She is suffering from a serious auto-immune disease that she was diagnosed with this summer at the Mayo Clinic. I am 78 years old, have a pace maker, and can run circles around what my daughter is physically capable of right now. My daughter is not inactive. She is terribly, terribly sick and suffering from this terrible illness. Her dear husband has to shoulder all the responsibility of feeding, caring for and raising their 3 young children."

Well, poor Dan, when he walked out of his primary class at the end of church, he was suddenly swarmed by older ladies in my ward asking what they could do to help. Human nature is funny, isn't it? Now, while I have never asked for help, I have been in this ward for almost 9 months and have explained in depth my situation to the Bishop and the Relief Society President (when they were both trying to extend me callings), and others who have asked why I am sick so much. But I don't think they actually realized I was really sick until my mom stood up and had to hit them over the head with it. Now, does that embarass me, of course! Do I want help from any of them? No. I have long ago accepted that there is not much anyone can do that will help things. Will it help others to be a little less judgemental? The jury is out. I'll have to wait and see. Either way, none of this changes my relationship with my Savior or how I feel about the gospel. But no one enjoys having their testimony questioned!

Natezilla

Here is one of our family's "home videos".  We did this 3 years ago in Erie, PA. Instead of scrapbooking, Dan made a movie for each baby we had before they turned one. Here's "Natezilla"