"Is She Still Sick?"

There is so much power in the words we say. When I had my little baby Luke, it was very important to me that I always said I had a baby that passed away instead of I lost my baby. I knew that I had gained a precious son that day in the hospital. My family grew and enlarged as I could feel his sweet spirit. I didn't lose him. I knew right where he was and he was with me.

I think that often other people forget the power in the words they choose to say to others. Even when they are well intentioned. It has definitely affected Dan during this time. Since he is usually at church with our three boys without me, almost the only thing anyone ever says to him is "Is she still sick?" "Is Emily sick again?" "Oh dear, is she not feeling well today?" Every single Sunday, every single time, the only thing anyone talks to him is about how sorry they are for how hard his life must be.

On New Year's Eve Dan took the children to the Stake Party at the church. He left the house excited to play some games, eat good food, and have fun with his boys. When he came home later, he walked in the door completely deflated. "What's wrong?" I said. He looked at me with this tired expression on his face as he sat down on the couch, "Well, let me tell you how my evening went. The entire night, here I'm at a party and the only thing I hear is how sorry someome is for me. How terrible things must be. How hard my load must be." He said "Emily, I don't even know what to say to people anymore. I want to interrupt them and say - no, I'm happy. I came to have fun tonight! It's okay. But the more people talk to me the worse I feel."

I think it's the equivalent to a single 35 year old woman being asked every Sunday at church "Are you still single?" "What, you're not married yet?" "Don't you want to get married?" Trust me, everyone, she's more than aware she is single! But life moves on, and you have to find ways to still have joy in your life even if you have not yet received the deep desire of your heart.

I asked Dan if I could write about this and at first he said no because he didn't want to offend any of our friends. Trust me, this doesn't apply to any of you who are reading this. I cannot tell you how much of a help your prayers, condolences, and helpful thoughts have been to us. This happens mainly to Dan with people at church who ask him these same repetitive questions until he feels like he's going to scream! Any thoughts on a good reply? He needs to be able to be honest, but we wish there's a nice response he could say that could change this cycle without hurting someone's feelings. I really do believe people are asking with kind intentions. They just don't realize how it wears him down. Any good thoughts, anyone??